you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
