Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
