Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
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It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
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Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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