i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
