I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
