so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
