I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
