I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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