My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
