Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
