Dual....:-)
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
love makes seman taste better
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
