there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
