I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
