what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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