my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
