Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
