New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I could fuck to npr.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
