We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
