you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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