The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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