i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
