tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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