There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
