i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
