Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize