my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
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Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
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That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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