if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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