i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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