i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
did i walk over a car last night?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Mom said you looked used
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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