Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
