he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
