a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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