My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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