Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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