The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
