There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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