no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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