she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
