I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
