We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
