My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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