saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
