I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
