the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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