Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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