I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
