Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
