You really coming over, don't trick.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
