i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
