Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
