your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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