I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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