Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
