Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
