So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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