Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
