we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
