Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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