THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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