I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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