He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
