I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
