Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
