I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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