hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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