She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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