The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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