Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
