i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize