are you still at the devil's house?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
