I feel like abortions should bother me more
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
