Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
