btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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