He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
