So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
