dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
