Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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