forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
