i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
